I will be brave enough to be myself, even if I am not for everyone.
I can remember the first time in my life I figured out how to make myself likable.
Before age 10, I was known as the whiner in my family. Without being able to understand it, I was feeling all of the complex, painful family dynamics and it translated to me as a deep, stubborn feeling that the world was deeply unfair. I complained a lot, and this did not make me popular with my parents.
When I went to sleep away summer camp at age 10, I continued my habit of whining and complaining in the first few days. I noticed that just like my parents, my counselors grew irritated and annoyed with me. I watched how they engaged with the other girls in my bunk who were compliant and sweet and didn’t complain. They smiled at them, joked around with them. They reached out to them with big cozy hugs, or pulled them into their laps during circle time. They looked at me with irritation and avoidance.
So one day, while everyone was at some activity, I laid on my bunk and stared at the ceiling. I remember thinking to myself, “I can do what the other girls are doing. I can stop complaining.If I do, I think the counselors will like me.” I put my plan into place.
And, poof, nearly overnight, the counselors started treating me differently. They braided my hair. They gave me hugs. They liked me. My lesson was learned – be “good” and “nice” and people will like you. Don’t complain. Don’t be too much. My mantra for years after that was: Contain Thyself.
The only problem with this plan was that it was fundamentally at odds with my growth, my self-expression in the world, and my aliveness. I could not and cannot be who I am meant to be in the world, and offer what I am here on earth to offer, when my primary concern is being liked. Maybe you have noticed something similar? Creativity, growth, and breaking out of your shell requires bravery, including the bravery of being disliked, and even hated, for what you stand for and who you are.
Because nobody is for everybody. The more I am myself, the more I will find those who pick up what I put down. AND for many, I will not be to their taste. And that is okay.
If this resonates for you, I wish you the courage to be yourself and the courage to withstand the haters. Your people are going to be so very happy you showed up.